If you love me, don't let me go
by VladimirVampier
Summary: Delirious loves his boyfriends a lot. But it hurts him to think about all the times he had to say goodbye, because they couldn't stay. And sometimes it get's too be too much. He hurts inside. Will his boyfriends we able to help him through it? Or will it swallow Delirious whole…


If you love me, don't let me go – poly! BBS

It's been a while since I wrote anything, so sorry in advance if the story seems a bit rushed or awkward. Also, English is not my native language, sorry for my grammar or weird sentences.

This story is based on a dream I had. In my dream Delirious was in a relationship with Wildcat, Moo and Vanoss. It was from Delirious perspective and he seemed to be struggling with the fact that he had to say goodbye. Alas, this story was born into existence.

I hope you enjoy.

Warnings; it's a polyamory relationship (multiple people in a romantic relationship), it's gay (yay!) and slight angst.

If anything of these things are not your thing, or trigger you, be warned. I'd advice you not to read.

Also, this is my first story in the BBs fandom.

To everybody else, I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think of it.

Delirious loved his boyfriends.

He really, really did.

He loved al three of them equally.

Although he was nervous as hell, he had finally decided to meet up with the group. Not at some convention, just an invitation for them to come visit him at his home. His house wasn't big enough for all of them to stay over, so some of his friends stayed at Cartoonz' s place.

Jonathan still recalls finally meeting everybody face to face. It was exciting, nerve wrecking and absolutely wonderful. His friends were absolutely wonderful.

Time flew by and soon a lot of his friends left, either going to a hotel or to stay at Cartoonz's place. Delirious thanked his long time friend, he wouldn't have done it without Luke's help and support. As Luke left, it was only him, Evan, Brock and Tyler left.

Some say it was in that evening something bloomed between the four of them. Some say it was the heart to heart conversations that happened in the dark of the night, in between yawns and sleepy noises. In between the rustling of sheets and sleeping bags, chuckles and silent confessions of loneliness.

Delirious didn't exactly now when it had started, or when, but he didn't care. The four of them met up multiple times in the last few years, as soon as they could and whenever they could. Somewhere along the way, their relationship changed.

Was it the fact they saw each other so much? Or was it they simply grew closer together? Or was it that one night of drinking at his house that changed it completely?

Remembering that night made a smile appear on Delirious' face. He remembers sitting at the kitchen table, Tyler refusing to talk to them after accidentally confessing on liking multiple people. Brock questioning if he was bi or gay or poly, Evan was pestering him to tell them who it was.

Jonathan, having a few too many drinks himself, had sat silently. He disappeared into his own head, he felt scared. For sometime he had felt odd, especially around these particular friends. And now, as Evan was still pestering Tyler and Brock kept asking questions, he felt like he had no chance with them. Hope had sparked at Tyler's confession, but it was soon replaced by fear as the big man refused to answer.

Brock suddenly asked if he was okay, shocking him out of his thoughts, making it go quiet. He suddenly felt the tears slowly making their way down his face. "Delirious?" Tyler asked, with so much concern in his voice. The silence and stares felt suffocating, he felt the need to get away and quick. He stood and tried to run to the stairs, out of the kitchen, through the living room and towards the hall.

He got no further than past the couch.

Jonathan's lower arm was stuck in a vice like grip, frozen in place. He slowly turned around, staring into bright eyes. Tyler didn't loosen his grip as he tugged Jon close. Evan and Brock stared at them from the doorway to the kitchen. Delirious opened his mouth to speak, but nothing aside from a whine left his lips.

Tyler's free hand found its way to Jonathan's chin, holding his head in place, as he got even closer. Jon could smell the alcohol on Tyler's breath and for a moment he thought that all of this was a very bad idea. But then Tyler closed the gap, pressing their lips together and took his breath away.

Jon's eyes closed as he wrapped his arms around Tyler's neck. He could feel Tyler letting go of his arm, moving that hand to hold his hip instead. The kiss deepened and Jon found it hard to breath. He was getting lightheaded when Tyler let go and took a step back, not quite letting go of Jonathan.

"I'm sorry." Tyler looked at the ground. "I'm sorry too," Evan said as he walked closer to the two. He pushed himself between Tyler and Jonathan, making Tyler let go of the blue eyes man. Jonathan wanted to ask why he was sorry, but was once again silenced by a pair of lips on his.

These lips were much more confident with what they were doing. Before Jon knew it, Evan had ravished him. They caught a glimpse of Brock pressed against Tyler, when they pulled away.

"Soooooo," Brock said, a smile on his face," Does this mean we are boyfriends?" His eyebrow wiggle was so cheesy and Jon's nerves were through the roof, he couldn't help but start laughing. Eventually, his laughing subsided and all he felt was relief and exhaustion.

"I guess so," Jon said, as he tried to stifle a yawn. The four of them looked at each other, smiles on their faces. Brock tugged Jonathan in for a hug, then beckoned the others to join. And so they went from four individuals to the four of them in a relationship, forming a bond.

It was a bit overwhelming, but wonderful. Yes, very wonderful. That night, as they all lay together and shared stories and kisses, the first of many 'I love you' s were said.

It had been months since that night and everything was still as wonderful.

Tyler was his rage-quitting self during games and a big soft cuddler when he was with his boyfriends. Evan was a giant tease and a little shit, as well with playing games as when they were together. But they loved him anyway. Brock kept making bad puns, but added poly and gay jokes in the mix. He was an absolute sweetheart, as always.

Jonathan, well, he stayed the same. Faceless while recording, but the prettiest, most handsome man (according to his boyfriends) in real life. Even Luke agreed with them.

What hadn't hanged as well were Jonathan's anxieties and insecurities. Mainly the one where he was afraid that as soon as they weren't together, the others realised that they could do without him, that they could get better than him. And till this day, he hated saying goodbye to his boyfriends, afraid of letting them go.

Delirious was having an awful day.

He didn't exactly know why, but he started feeling bad the moment he woke up. It was a heavy kind of feeling. He felt sad and tired. Not even the fact that his boyfriends were coming over made him feel better. But, as his doorbell rang and he opened his door to see the faces he loved, he put on a smile.

For some reason he felt like crying as they hugged him in greeting. Brock always having the happiest of smiles on his faces when they got together. The brown-eyed man gave him a kiss on the lips. Jon busied himself with getting them something to drink, moving to the kitchen. He could feel Brock's concerned gaze following him. His smile temporarily disappeared, until he walked back into the living room. He placed the tray with drinks down on the coffee table and avoided Brock's eyes, feeling he might start crying as soon as he did look into those beautiful caring eyes.

They decided to play some videogames. That did take Jon's attention away from his terrible feelings for a bit. He laughed as Tyler raged at Mario kart, though it felt forced. Evan, who was laughing his ass off at the bigger man's demise, placed his hand on Jon's knee as to not topple over. His laughter died down as he felt Jonathan freeze and subtly move away from his touch. Evan's happy expression fell as Jon moved away completely when he tried to wrap his arm around the other man.

Jonathan stood up, claiming he needed to use the bathroom and scurried away. There was a heavy sort of silence left in the room. Evan was sulking, his arms crossed in front of his chest, bottom lip stuck out.

"What is going on?" Tyler asked frustrated. Brock shook his head and shrugged. "Really? Nobody's got an idea?" Tyler groaned," Come on guys, something must be up. He is acting strange." Tyler stood and started pacing. "I could text Cartoonz, see if he knows what's up," Evan offered as he sat upright. Brock shook his head once more. "Although he tells Luke a lot, I fear it's a bit more complicated. I'm not sure if he knows what's wrong."

The other two looked confused. "What do you mean?" Tyler asked. "Sometimes people pull back from others because they feel certain things, overwhelming things and they don't know how to deal with them," Brock tried to explain. Evan blinked, a blank expression on his face. Tyler groaned and rubbed his temples. "I still don't understand," he mutters.

Before they could say more, Delirious walked back into the living room. A cute confused expression formed on his face as he took in a ramrod tense Evan sitting on the couch, Brock leaning back in the recliner and Tyler standing frozen in the middle of the room. They shared a look.

"Whatcha doing?" Jon asked confused. "Uhm-," Evan began, but Brock interrupted him. "I suggested we watch a movie, since it's late and I was getting a bit tired," so Tyler went to look for your dvd's." Jonathan looked at him suspicious, before laughing at Tyler. "Silly, we can just open the Netflix app on the TV," he said as he grabbed the remote and sat besides Evan on the couch. Tyler huffed as he sat on Jon's other side.

Evan suggested they watch Rocky, but Brock was against it. "We're not watching the Notebook," Evan deadpanned. Tyler laughed as he beckoned Brock over. "Hey! It's a very touching and romantic story," the man said, sounding almost offended. "Yeah right," Jon said rolling his eyes. Brock stuck his tongue out to the two as he sat on Tyler's lap. "Then you pick out a movie," he said. "Fine," Jonathan said and choose play on a random movie in his watch-list. It turned out to be Spider-man; Homecoming, which none of them minded.

They sat silently, watching the movie. Jonathan couldn't concentrate, no matter how much he loved Spider-man. He couldn't supress the feeling that as soon as the movie was over, they were going to leave him again. Not even Evan's warmth on his one side and Tyler's arm around him could make him feel better or less stressed.

As the end credits began rolling, he felt like he could cry again. He stood up quickly, shutting off the TV. "Delirious?" van asked shocked," You didn't wait for the end-credit scenes…" Jon didn't turn around to look at them, as he walked towards the door. "I don't want to watch them," he said," I'm tired." He sighed. "I'm going to bed, you guys know how to lock up after yourselves." Brock stood from Tyler's lap. "We could stay ove-." Before he could finish his sentence, Jonathan had disappeared up the stairs.

It was silent for a moment as they all stared at the spot where Jon had stood moments ago. "Ok…" Tyler said," I might not know a lot, but that didn't seem like he _actually_ wanted us to leave." Evan nodded, looking very sad. "He is struggling with something, something very heavy it seems," Brock said, arms wrapped around himself. Tyler stood and hugged Brock close. "We'll help him," he said, resolute.

Evan stood up as well and pressed his face into the taller man's back. "I want my Delirious back," he sniffed. He did not like this feeling of rejection. He just wanted to hear Jonathan laugh and see his goofy smile as he won another round of Mario kart.

"We'll get him back, don't you worry," Tyler said, as he turned around. He gave both Brock and Evan a kiss and began to lead them upstairs. "We'll get our Delirious back." The other two followed him up the stairs and into Jon's bedroom.

They saw Jonathan sitting on his bed, knees bent and head tucked between his arms. Brock carefully approached and sat on the side of the bed, as the other two stepped closer, but stayed at the wall. "Jonathan?" Brock asked," Please talk to us."

Jon stayed silent and unmoving. "Please, Jon," Brock said," We want to help, but we can't if we don't know what's wrong." Jon shook his head. "Sweetheart…" Brock tried to grab Jon's hand, but he pulled back as if it was on fire. Evan let out a shaky breath. He didn't want to see Jon like this, he hated it. He could feel Tyler beside him tensing up.

"Jon, please, sweetheart," Brock pleaded. He placed his hands on top of Jon's knees. He was trying to give as much support and comfort as he could, but if Jon kept shying away from him… He wanted nothing more than to hold the blue-eyed man close and kiss all his bad feelings away. It wasn't helping his hopeless feeling that Jon didn't want to be touched.

"Ok," Tyler said sharply," That's it." He stood up straight and took hold of Evan's hand. "If you keep acting like this and not accept our help," Tyler stated towards Jonathan," We're leaving."

With that said he pushed Evan towards the door and grabbed Brock's arm to pull him with him out of the room. Brock started to protest, wanting to stay by Jon's side, but Tyler silenced him. "No, we're not going to stay here and watch him eat himself up," he said," He wants us to leave, we're leaving."

"NO."

Jonathan screamed as he stood up from the bed. His fists were clenched, he was breathing heavily and tears streamed down his cheeks. "I **don't** want you to leave!" he yelled," Every night I am alone, I can't sleep! Because I keep thinking about you. I keep thinking about how far away we are from each other. I keep thinking about how long it will take before we can see each other again."

His fists flew up and pressed down on the side of his head, clamping his eyes shut. He wanted to stop. To stop crying, to stop talking, but he couldn't. His mouth decided that now was a good time to speak his secrets out loud. "I keep losing sleep because my stupid head can't stop thinking that it's all too good to be true."

"It keeps feeding me these ideas that I'll wake up the next morning and that it will be over. That y-you f-finally f-f-figured out, t-that you're b-better o-o-o-off without m-me." His stutter had increased, the closer to the truth, his voice decreasing in volume. "I'm s-scared that you will l-leave m-me behind," he near whispered.

Finally he opened his eyes and looked at the men he looked so dearly. His heart sunk as soon as he saw the tears in Brock's and Evan's eyes and the mad expression of Tyler. The floor shook slightly as Tyler all but stomped towards Jonathan, who looked scared. The blue-eyed man almost expected to be hit by the tall man, he probably deserved it.

Instead, strong arms wrapped around him, enveloping him in warmth. Jon hadn't noticed how cold he was, before Tyler had hugged him. "You absolute idiot," Tyler muttered, his voice slightly shaking," You dumb, dumb man." Oh and Jon was shaken, hard. "How could you think such a thing?" Tyler asked, pulling back slightly so he could look Jon in the eyes," We would never leave you."

Yup, Jon was definitely shaking and his knees felt like jelly. As Jonathan stared straight back into those bright eyes, he felt overwhelmed with the intensity that shone within them. "I love you," Tyler said louder," _We_ love you."

And there went all of Jon's strength s his knees gave in and relief flooded his body at hearing those words. It was a good thing Tyler already had his arms around him or he would've fallen straight to the floor. Brock let out a gasp as he rushed towards the two.

"Jon!"

He instantly felt worried as he saw the stressed out man go weak like a rag doll. Tyler maneuvered them to the bed, he sat on the edge and Jon lay draped over his lap. His arm was beneath the man, holding him upright. Brock went to sit by Jon's head, softly petting the mop of hair on top of Jon's head.

"I'm so sorry," Jonathan said softly, sounding out of breath. His eyes went to Brock, who leaned down to give Jon a peck on the head. The small smile and clear love in brown eyes were calming.

A sob sounded and all eyes went to Evan, who stood in the doorway still. "Evan," Jonathan said weakly as he held out his hand to the dark haired man. Evan tried to wipe away the tears that fell from his eyes and stepped closer to the bed.

As soon as he felt Jon's hand in his, he practically threw himself on top of the man still on Tyler's lap. Tyler let out an audible 'oomph' at the added weight and narrowly avoided the elbow almost hitting him in the face. "I-I am so, so sorry," Jon said again as he held Evan as well as he could. Brock started stroking Evan's hair, in a way to comfort him.

"I was also afraid," Evan said, once he stopped sobbing. Brock nodded," Even I had similar thoughts." Jon and Evan looked shocked at him, Brock shrugged. Tyler huffed," Not me." At the curious gazes aimed at him, he continued," What? I know I can't get rid of you idiots." He looked away, red dusting his cheeks. "Not that I'd ever want to."

Evan, who tried to sit up from being on top of Jon, on top of Tyler, pushed Tyler over so his back was flat on the bed. Then proceeded to climb off of Jonathan and on top of Tyler, instantly pressing their lips together. Jon stifled a yawn as he repositioned himself to besides Brock, back against the headboard of the bed. He watched two of his boyfriend make out.

"Tired?" Brock asked as he pulled Jon closer. The man nodded and nuzzled into Brock's warmth. He laid his head on Brock's shoulder, making the brown-eyed man shiver with Jon's breaths against his neck. "Yeah, those kind of things take a lot of energy," Brock said," Next time, tell us when you're scared of something."

Jon closed his eyes, he still felt ashamed for his behaviour. Brock's hand stroke his cheek. "Whatever it is that is bothering you, tell us. One of us, any of us," Brock said sternly. Jonathan moved his head off of Brock's shoulder to look at the man. Brock moved his head to look Jon in the eyes, but didn't expect for his lips to get captured in a kiss. It was a sugar sweet kiss, soft lips moving slowly and soft sighs escaping their lips. Jon loved that Brock's kisses could calm him down and fill him with warmth.

A hand wrapped around Jon's arm and before he realised what was happening, he was lying on his back on the bed, right besides Evan and away from Brock's grasp. The dark-eyed man leaned over him and pressed his lips against his.

Evan's kisses were like fire. Hot, exciting and fast. Jon felt Evan's tongue asking for entrance, which he gave. Evan took control of the kiss. Tongue against tongue, lips rough against each other and teeth nibbling lower lips. Jonathan felt himself getting hot, especially when a pair of hands found themselves under his shirt. If Jon had to guess it were Brock's hands, and his lips on his neck, since Evan's hands were in his hair and on his hip.

Fingers raked over warm skin, caressing every dip and curve on his torso. Jonathan pulled back from the kiss, a moan escaping him. Tyler groaned, his hands all over Evan's front. Evan leaned back into him, while his hands stayed on Jon, not wanting to let go. He wanted his boyfriend to feel how much he loved him.

Brock wrapped his arms around Jonathan, pulling him flush against his front. Jon blushed as he could feel something poking him. Brock noticed Jon stilled, his hands had grabbed Brock's arms. "We don't have to do anything, if you don't want to," he murmured into dark hair. Tyler and Evan, who had been making out, stopped to look at Jonathan.

The blue-eyed man lowered his head. "I don't think I want to… you know," he said carefully. He hoped he didn't offend any of them, he could tell some were very hot and bothered. "But I do love the kisses," he added quickly. Brock smiled, almost feeling the turmoil inside of Jon. "That's okay," he said," we're not going to do anything you do not want to."

He peppered Jon's face in kisses. Jonathan started to giggle, trying, but not really, to push Brock away. His well-known giggles raised in volume as Evan decided to help torture the blue-eyed man, covering his neck in kisses. "S-stop," Jon laughed softly. But as Tyler joined in, lifting Jon's shirt and blowing raspberries on the pale skin of his belly, Jon full out laughed.

He was almost in hysterics, when his boyfriends finally stopped torturing him. "Aah I can't breath," Jon sighed. Evan smirked and wiggled his fingers at him. Jon gave him a glare. "Don't you fucking dare…" Evan laughed and gave him a soft kiss, lying down beside him.

As Jon laid there, Brock's arm draped over him, his hand in Evan's and Tyler's fingers combing through his hair, he felt at peace. He felt happy. He couldn't find any remainder of the fear he once held close, no more fear of being left behind.

They had made it pretty clear that they loved him.

"You know..." Tyler began," I've been thinking about it too." Evan, who laid on his front, propped up on his elbows. "You know," Tyler said, as he felt the others look at him," Living together. I want it. I want you all close to me." The others stayed silent, mulling the idea over. "I want to be able to hold you, kiss you, keep you close," he continued, moving his hands animatedly," I want to wake up next to you. I love you."

Evan had a dopey grin on his face. "Can you imagine?" he near whispered," We could buy a massive television, put all our consoles there and make videos all the time." Brock smiled. "Being able to cuddle with each other, under blankets and with hot cups of tea," he dreamed out loud," We should find a place with a fire place."

"Hell yeah, we should. We could do movie nights every night!" Evan said enthusiastically. "But we do need a big bedroom," Tyler said, still facing the ceiling," And buy the biggest bed we can find. Or maybe two beds pushed together, so we can all fit." Brock nodded as he leaned on his elbow. "That would be lovely and I hope the place has a patio or something, that would be nice."

Evan laughed. "A patio?" he asked and laughed again," Isn't that something for old people to sit on?" Tyler nodded," We're going to need one. I'm gonna grow old with all of you." Brock and Evan looked shocked at Tyler before smiling widely.

All of a sudden they heard a small gasp. It downed on the three that their blue-eyed beauty hadn't said anything about the matter. Their attention was on Jon, who looked at the ceiling, a tear dripped down from his eye to his ear, but a smile on his face. "Jon?" Evan asked," Are you okay?" Jon smiled. "I'm perfect," he sighed," just…perfect."

Tyler, who was leaning on his elbows so he could see Jonathan over Evan's body, smiled. "Yes, you are," he said," You are our perfect boyfriend." All of a sudden, Jon lunged over Evan and on top of Tyler. He practically smashed his lips to Tyler's, instantly deepening the kiss. Tyler was taken by surprise, but soon wrapped his arms around Jonathan. He began to feel lightheaded as Jon took his breath away. He gasped, as they pulled apart.

"I love you, I love you, I love you!"

Jon held Tyler's face in between his hands, slightly squishing the bigger man's face. He dove in for a kiss as Tyler wiped away the few tears of happiness that escaped his eyes. Evan chuckled. "I guess you want to live together just as bad." Jonathan pulled back, chuckling at Tyler's red and slightly squished face, his eyes blown wide.

"Of course! I'd love to." His smile was almost as wide as his face. He pulled his arms in, which gave him support, and let himself fall on Tyler completely. The poor man let out a pained groan, but wrapped his arms around Jon anyway. Jonathan couldn't' help but feel giddy. He was just so happy. Surrounded by the men he loved and soon be living together with. Surrounded by warmth, bodies, kisses and love, he couldn't not be absolutely happy.

Delirious loved his boyfriends.

He really, really did.

He loved all three of them equally.

And he was never letting them go.


End file.
